Change (Ahh!!!) and How to Work with It

“All that you touch

You Change.

All that you Change

Changes you.

The only lasting truth

is Change.

God

is Change.”

― Octavia E. Butler

Change can be SCARY! “I don’t know what will happen?!” “What if things get worse?!” “What if I don’t like it?!” As Octavia E. Butler wrote in Parable of the Sower, change is the only thing we can really count on NOT to change. We change. Relationships change. Work changes. The world we move through changes. Leftovers get moldy. Computers start glitching. Seasons rotate. Hair grays. Buddhist teachings call this impermanence, the truth that nothing stays the same forever. 

And if you’re like me, you might not like this so much. I want to know exactly how much money is in the bank account. I don’t want to buy bigger pants. I’d like to feel happy and content all the time. I don’t want relationships to end. I don’t want to see my loved ones die. Ah… I don’t want to die. And that’s the BIGGEST change and no one will avoid that change.

Change is uncomfortable, unpleasant, so I start to fight back or try to hold on to familiarity and to comfort. It’s here that I, and many of us human beings, pour gas on the fire of our suffering instead of flowing with the movement of change. Sometimes this shows up as irritation as I try to push back against the inevitable. Sometimes I cling to my preferences and get upset because things aren’t going the way I like them. Maybe I want or expect, or even demand, other people to be different so I can feel comfort. Maybe it's yelling because the computer lost that super important document I spent 20+ hours working on. Or sobbing because my favorite shirt got a hole ripped in it. I add to my suffering and that’s not super fun either.

So how do we flow with the river of change? We can begin by recognizing what is happening. I over-draft my bank account. I spilled milk. I broke up with my partner. My loved one died. This is what is happening. Change is happening. 

Next, we accept how this change is affecting us. I’m pissed. I’m broken-hearted. I’m overwhelmed. This is how I’m feeling right now. This is what’s here.

From there we shift towards checking it out or investigating it. What does that anger feel like in me? What is the texture of the pain? We can notice and investigate. My stomach is twisted in knots. I’m shaky. My mind is spinning. I feel like I’m 14 again. Memories are flooding in. I’m checking out cause it feels like too much. Witness what is happening. Watch it. Observe it.

As we witness and watch, we do this accompaniment with gentleness and kindness, nurturing as we notice. It’s okay that I'm angry. It’s a human response. Of course, my heart aches; I’m grieving. I had a really big reaction because I was really scared and that’s okay. Instead of trying to push back the unpleasant emotions, sensations, and memories or cling to comfort, we journey with our immediate experience of change. Typically what happens is those unpleasant waves crest and pass. The unpleasantness also changes. Whoa! Thank god for change! 

Try these steps out the next time you're in the midst of transition, feeling overwhelmed, or uncomfortable with a situation.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

For more on RAIN practice, check out the following:

Being Mindful of Race by Ruth King

RAIN: A Practice of Radical Compassion by Tara Brach